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		<title>Fixed Income Modeling Review 6</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2140/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2140/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 04 Feb 2012 01:27:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[技术]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fixed Income]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mathematical Finance]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[To apply the theoretical models, let us first see how to use interest rate trees to price and calibrate. As mentioned in Review 5, markovian property of short rate models is needed to implement recombining lattice. Usually, a short rate model can be writ... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>To apply the theoretical models, let us first see how to use interest rate trees to price and calibrate. As mentioned in Review 5, markovian property of short rate models is needed to implement recombining lattice.</p>

<p>Usually, a short rate model can be written as</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_8584527fcaaf706796c20575890d1622.png" title="r(t)=F(u(t)+\varphi(t))" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r(t)=F(u(t)+\varphi(t))" /><br />
<img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_e9bff88f5bfc9c1887aa0c6db30beffc.png" title="du(t)=-au(t)dt+\sigma dW(t)." style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="du(t)=-au(t)dt+\sigma dW(t)." /></p>

<p>Hence, we first discretize the process <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_8f6c5a1235ec2e74ba9543ddd79bebb9.png" title="u(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="u(t)" />. Typically, people use binomial tree and trinomial tree but for mean reverting model, binomial tree cannot be used. The time step <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_c10f8bcf63ce540f330ba5bc0155ccb4.png" title="\Delta t" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="\Delta t" /> is arbitrary, the state step <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_cd73734863bdc13f1c7fdc6c7a5f6885.png" title="\Delta u" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="\Delta u" /> and branch probabilities <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_106b12bd79c8d017fd1e256865c6a1f2.png" title="p_u" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="p_u" />, <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_8847c414903dbff7dd312633b88e29d6.png" title="p_m" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="p_m" /> and <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_59d3bb76104c0b22c679b0ef8fe4d4b4.png" title="p_d" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="p_d" /> should be chosen in such a way that the discrete dynamics has the first few moments matched. Since we could solve</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_7257626b8fb2a18cc9914b6f1e0e79f3.png" title="u(t+\Delta t)=e^{-a\Delta t}u(t)+\sigma\int^{t+\Delta t}_te^{-a\Delta t}dW(s)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="u(t+\Delta t)=e^{-a\Delta t}u(t)+\sigma\int^{t+\Delta t}_te^{-a\Delta t}dW(s)" /></p>

<p>then by moment-matching, we can set</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_91439c3f69da1602e2a44b99ae594640.png" title="\Delta u=\sqrt{3V}" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="\Delta u=\sqrt{3V}" />, <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_e1b3c3aeba62aa90edbae6f7fc2ad86c.png" title="V=\sigma^2\frac{1-\exp(-2a\Delta t)}{2a}" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="V=\sigma^2\frac{1-\exp(-2a\Delta t)}{2a}" /></p>

<p>and we select the middle branching node at next step to be the closest one to the mean of the continuous process:</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_802ef1a26b2bc33c6aada90988c13715.png" title="k=\int[je^{-a\Delta t}+\frac{1}{2}" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="k=\int[je^{-a\Delta t}+\frac{1}{2}" /></p>

<p>Branching probabilities are determined as</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_13853fb5869d82860942aa8271e4d84b.png" title="p_u=\frac{1}{6}+\frac{1}{2}(\beta^2+\beta)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="p_u=\frac{1}{6}+\frac{1}{2}(\beta^2+\beta)" /><br />
<img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_e4af512c66fd8e087dd473eda0001b33.png" title="p_m=\frac{2}{3}-\beta^2" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="p_m=\frac{2}{3}-\beta^2" /><br />
<img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_39620ce4483b4d85499033095b69723c.png" title="p_d=\frac{1}{6}+\frac{1}{2}(\beta^2-\beta)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="p_d=\frac{1}{6}+\frac{1}{2}(\beta^2-\beta)" /><br />
<img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_cee7784e5802dae986be63523a213828.png" title="beta=je^{-a\Delta t}-k" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="beta=je^{-a\Delta t}-k" /></p>

<p>Once tree for the stochastic driver <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_8f6c5a1235ec2e74ba9543ddd79bebb9.png" title="u(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="u(t)" /> is built, we need to convert it to the short rate tree according to the functions:</p>

<p>normal: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_8593a73721c57caaecce1b53477865b6.png" title="r(i,j)=r_0(i)+u(i,j)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r(i,j)=r_0(i)+u(i,j)" /><br />
lognormal: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_18babb80961d721a0d3f8d3301d488f8.png" title="r(i,j)=r_0(i)\cdot\exp(u(i,j))" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r(i,j)=r_0(i)\cdot\exp(u(i,j))" /></p>

<p>where mean level vector <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_90bc55ec5fd7f48bbc414e5ef32f97ed.png" title="r_0(i)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(i)" /> is calibrated to the term structure of zero coupon bond prices.</p>

<p>Since trees represent discretization of the rate dynamics, then within each time step the evolution of short rate is not described by tree and thus needs to be specified. Usually we assume short rate is constant within each period. To price derivatives, we do backwards</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_f9e7a1c8f3d910396aa2bb55d10989ec.png" title="S(t)=E^B_t[\exp(-\int_t^{t+\Delta t}r(s)ds)(S(t+\Delta t)+CF(t+\Delta t))]" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="S(t)=E^B_t[\exp(-\int_t^{t+\Delta t}r(s)ds)(S(t+\Delta t)+CF(t+\Delta t))]" /></p>

<p>where <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_132b8641c597af7f8125ca84b3bd9af0.png" title="CF(t+\Delta t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="CF(t+\Delta t)" /> is the cash flow at time <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_0cfc0fd2f114f4e1f8e6e29229c37d3f.png" title="t+\Delta t" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="t+\Delta t" />. And now the remaining problem is how to calibrate to get mean level vector <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_90bc55ec5fd7f48bbc414e5ef32f97ed.png" title="r_0(i)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(i)" />. Denote prices of zero coupon bonds with maturities <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_d1cc9cfcb628c1529853788f0c042ab3.png" title="t_i=i\Delta t" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="t_i=i\Delta t" /> by <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_273d7c5f89b5c7ad92b05df68dfdf31e.png" title="P(i)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="P(i)" />, then apply the following iterative search process forward:</p>

<p>(1) Set <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_163d3853c10be78529b722d60049aabe.png" title="r_0(0)=-\ln(P(1))/\Delta t" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(0)=-\ln(P(1))/\Delta t" /><br />
(2) Search for the value of <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_ab2ac52e813185f3d6cf9ac7a260a7d7.png" title="r_0(1)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(1)" /> such that lattice price of the zero coupon bond maturing at <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_0e23cad80a514d1548e2f3daaab38f93.png" title="t_2" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="t_2" /> equals <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_0f53910dc2a35340814f4bd23f00f6e0.png" title="P(2)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="P(2)" /><br />
(3) ...<br />
(4) Assuming <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_e13989928a01161677462d177d691a14.png" title="r_0(0),\ldots,r_0(i-1)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(0),\ldots,r_0(i-1)" /> are done, search for the value of <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_90bc55ec5fd7f48bbc414e5ef32f97ed.png" title="r_0(i)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(i)" /> to fit <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_614bd2f66bc2e7306a6b4b73a67a8d95.png" title="P(i+1)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="P(i+1)" /><br />
(5) ...</p>

<p>We need to keep in mind that we always need to do numerical calibration for <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_90bc55ec5fd7f48bbc414e5ef32f97ed.png" title="r_0(i)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r_0(i)" /> even when there are analytic formulas for the no-arbitrage drift because the use of trees alters the continuous dynamics. To be more specific about step (2) and step (4), we introduce Arrow-Debreu Security which pays 1$ once the node (i,j) is reached and pays nothing otherwise. Thus in trees we have</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_59f4978630f45722580d5868281b4855.png" title="AD(i+1,j)=\sum_k AD(i,k)\exp(-r(i,k)\Delta t)P_{i,k\rightarrow i+1,j}" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="AD(i+1,j)=\sum_k AD(i,k)\exp(-r(i,k)\Delta t)P_{i,k\rightarrow i+1,j}" /></p>

<p>One very useful property of Arrow-Debreu prices is that</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_d5cba56f03e1ad6f2daf3e65d8f3eb87.png" title="P(0,t_i)=\sum_j AD(i,j)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="P(0,t_i)=\sum_j AD(i,j)" /></p>

<p>Recombining interest rate trees have a serious shortcoming that the rate history is totally lost and thus it is incompatible with any path dependent instrument. To overcome this problem, one can use the tower law and record the cash flows at the lattice nodes not when they are paid but rather when they are certain and express them with appropriate discounting.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Fixed Income Modeling Review 5</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2127/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2127/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Feb 2012 20:19:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[技术]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[科学人]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fixed Income]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mathematical Finance]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2127</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This topic is mainly about modeling of short rate which plays a central role in the theory and practice because zero coupon bonds can be priced as and so could discount factor. Assume there is only one source of uncertainty represented by a Brownian moti... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This topic is mainly about modeling of short rate <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_5d9d5479b153cb7511446522d52179d2.png" title="r(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r(t)" /> which plays a central role in the theory and practice because zero coupon bonds can be priced as</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_f96b1442f21d15b5a515a75670a122f9.png" title="P(t,T)=E_t[\exp(-\int^T_tr(s)ds)]" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="P(t,T)=E_t[\exp(-\int^T_tr(s)ds)]" /></p>

<p>and so could discount factor.</p>

<p>Assume there is only one source of uncertainty represented by a Brownian motion <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_cd535cd9c7de0c1dee5ff97729212ac2.png" title="W(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="W(t)" /> under the risk-neutral measure <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_dab22943ff2f22f11d15ef5141d29976.png" title="Q" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="Q" />. We want the stochastic process to be markovian which is referred to as path independence and hence allows for the use of recombining lattice. We don't want to use non-recombining lattice cause the number of nodes growing exponentially w.r.t. the number of time steps and thus is not practical. There are several important things we need to think about when choosing a model:</p>

<p>-- Does the dynamics guarantee positive rates?<br />
-- What distribution does the dynamics imply for the short rate?<br />
-- Can the model be calibrated to fit today's structure of zero coupon bond prices, how easy, and does the calibration stable?<br />
-- Are the zero bond prices computable by means of analytic formulas?<br />
-- Are there analytic pricing formulas available for call/put bond option?<br />
-- Is the model mean-reverting?<br />
-- How do the volatility structures implied by the model look like?<br />
-- How suited is the model for building recombining lattices?</p>

<p>If the parameters of a model are constant like <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_2b80385840674b73430d6bdbfa56bab6.png" title="dr=a(b-r(t))dt+\sigma dW" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="dr=a(b-r(t))dt+\sigma dW" /> (Vasicek) then it is called equilibrium model. It's simple but could not be calibrated to fit the current term structure of rates. If we make the parameter of the drift term time dependent then we can overcome this problem and make the model no-arbitrage.</p>

<p>Based on empirical observation, people find that interest rates (unlike stock prices) tend to be pulled back to some mean level. So we want our model to be mean reverting; we also want to have the analytical formulas for zero coupon bond, call/put bond options, etc., and hence we require the model be affine which means the drift term is linear to short rate and square of the volatility is also linear to short rate. Regarding the volatility, typically we have two kinds of model for volatility: normal and lognormal. It is very hard to say which one is better, normal assumption results in analytic tractability and lognormal assumption leads to positive rates. Also, normal dynamics suit low rate environments and for lognormal, the other way around.</p>

<p>Several important models:</p>

<p>Ho-Lee: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_8ecdb78f37611d22747b6fda3eea075b.png" title="dr=\theta(t)dt+\sigma dW" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="dr=\theta(t)dt+\sigma dW" /><br />
Hull-White: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_47d5035faf8677ea20e3eddcc6921630.png" title="dr=a(\theta(t)-r)dt+\sigma dW" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="dr=a(\theta(t)-r)dt+\sigma dW" /><br />
CIR model: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_d4da843c1ee02bc6da4223150ae34822.png" title="dr=a(\theta(t)-r)dt+\sigma\sqrt{r}dW" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="dr=a(\theta(t)-r)dt+\sigma\sqrt{r}dW" /><br />
BDT model: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_180b4dbe33d3a2871c67b902479beca5.png" title="d\ln(r)=(\theta(t)+(\sigma'(t)/\sigma(t))\ln(r))dt+\sigma(t)dW(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="d\ln(r)=(\theta(t)+(\sigma'(t)/\sigma(t))\ln(r))dt+\sigma(t)dW(t)" /></p>

<p>Among these models, Hull-White has a positive probability to generate negative rates but we can cut that and it does not affect pricing very much. CIR model is the only model with full analytic tractability which also has positive rates. While doing calibration, <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_1d69f776fb57eca1895c40e3b846b41f.png" title="\theta(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="\theta(t)" /> term in CIR must be solved for numerically. Under lognormal assumption, the total volatility is proportional to the rate level and thus it grows/declines with the rates, which produces rate path distribution skewed upward. Theoretically, we could deduce such equation under lognormal model:</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_ced276c297450532fc496502ff5b2385.png" title="E_0[B(\Delta t)]=\infty" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="E_0[B(\Delta t)]=\infty" /></p>

<p>therefore we can make infinite money in an arbitrary small time from $1 initial investment, however in numerical implementations of a short rate model on a tree this problem does not appear as the number of states is finite.</p>

<p>In order to make our models better, we could add a deterministic shift:</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_14cf1129f7a8b2ff741997eddd286c08.png" title="r(t)=r_0(t)+\varphi(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="r(t)=r_0(t)+\varphi(t)" /><br />
<img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_47c5b0dd88f0a516d57b3c401ee906cc.png" title="dr_0(t)=a(\theta(t)-r_0)dt+\sigma\sqrt{r_0}dW(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="dr_0(t)=a(\theta(t)-r_0)dt+\sigma\sqrt{r_0}dW(t)" />.</p>

<p>This kind of extension could preserve the tractability but not the positiveness of rates. Shifted CIR model could perfectly fit the market price of zero coupon bond and according to this:</p>

<p>when rates are low: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_50ec5f56ae7142d5e4afcb848b81630a.png" title="\sigma(t)(r(t)+\alpha)\approx\sigma(t)\alpha" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="\sigma(t)(r(t)+\alpha)\approx\sigma(t)\alpha" /><br />
when rates are high: <img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-latex/cache/tex_404d41a520072d688ed6363469d666de.png" title="\sigma(t)(r(t)+\alpha)\approx\sigma(t)r(t)" style="vertical-align:-20%;" class="tex" alt="\sigma(t)(r(t)+\alpha)\approx\sigma(t)r(t)" /></p>

<p>we know that shifted lognormal models capture the phenomenon that rates follow close-to-normal dynamics in low rate environments and close-to-lognormal one in high rate environments.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>The Best of 2011 - Uzak</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2113/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2113/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 31 Dec 2011 22:21:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[电影评论]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Nuri Ceylan]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2113</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[首先, 我觉得中文译名不够好, 对于本片, 从涵盖主题的角度来说, "远方"并不如英文译名"Distant"来的精确. 之所以喜欢这部电影, 还是在于导演对"疏离"这个元素的表达和描述. 我一直相信, 一部真... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img alt="" src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1psFcedTQQ_y9_Oejqtc8f1qFlrvjH0cdPqr05OeypMyMk_9OfLNtT99n5ccMlFuSjPULE7xTtddU/p461194043.jpg" title="Uzak" class="alignnone" width="300" height="438" /></p>

<p>首先, 我觉得中文译名不够好, 对于本片, 从涵盖主题的角度来说, "远方"并不如英文译名"Distant"来的精确.</p>

<p>之所以喜欢这部电影, 还是在于导演对"疏离"这个元素的表达和描述. 我一直相信, 一部真正的好电影, 一定是重述和探索人们日常生活中的真实的. 就像摄影, 我们都喜欢那些捕捉到有趣, 动人瞬间的片子. 不是说商业剧情片不好, 我认为它们也有趣, 但代表了另一种乐趣, 如同摄影师用 Photoshop 把羊头天衣无缝的接到牛身上, 一种表象的刺激, 我们看到都会笑, 但笑完之后, 几乎没留下任何回味的余地. 回到"疏离感"上来, 这是美国影评家非常喜欢的一个词, 尽管他们的导演们似乎并不太喜欢向观众表现它. 其实这是多么普遍的一种体会和感受呢, 它来自于工业化, 来自于社会的进步, 来自于人内心的骄傲等等一切可以设置障碍的有形或无形的变化. 比如说已故的安东尼奥尼, "疏离感"深入到他电影的骨髓里, 建筑, 色彩, 主角的行为, 心理活动, 一切外在或内在无不表现着这一矛盾.</p>

<p>当代欧洲有很多出色的导演, Almodóvar 关注女性; Nanni Moretti 关注男性的气质危机; Fatih Akin 关注不同文化间的冲击; 唯一深入研究超越种族, 文化的人类的本质性矛盾的, 就我目前了解, 好像只有锡兰 (Nuri Ceylan) 一个人. 在他的作品中, 他总是把这种矛盾投射到各个方面: 伊斯坦布尔与小镇; 男人与女人; "文化"与"文盲"; 努力工作与游手好闲, 在这些差别中他展现和探讨人与人, 人与生活的距离. 我们喜欢欧洲, 不仅因为他们有很长的历史, 很多的雕塑与建筑, 有多元的文化, 有摇滚乐与足球, 还因为他们关注人, 有人文精神. 锡兰正是这种人文关怀的表达者.</p>

<p>锡兰本身还是一位出色的摄影师, "诗意的镜头语言"是塔科夫斯基的标志, 锡兰的影片有同样的特点, 这也是人们称他为"土耳其的塔科夫斯基"的原因, 将电影拍成照片, 又将照片连接成电影, 所以他的影片总在诗意中透出那种"愉悦的忧伤", 这种忧伤符合他的身份: 一个扎根于土耳其的导演, 他的国家由弱到强, 又盛极而衰. 他的作品偶尔提及历史 (在极少的情况下), 而聚焦于当下, 历史变迁, 形成了当代土耳其人的气质, 锡兰在作品中将这一切回归于普通的土耳其人, 做了平淡而又饱满的表达.</p>
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		<title>The Best of 2011 (候选)</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2084/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2084/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Dec 2011 07:41:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[影音]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fatih Akin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ferzan Özpetek]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Nuri Ceylan]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2084</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[又到年末, 照例会挑出一部当年最喜欢的电影, "新浪潮"的老板说我每次都在碟子卖完后才去他那问, 不光买碟, 看电影也一样, 今年豆瓣上打5颗星的电影最近也是2010年的, 后知后觉到我自己都不... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img alt="" src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1pmcsm2obOHxUH6MBdBnw4wV7FJisjJ5T-iZuZ9onFYWTtaYJH9GhTi8Wj4VtLVGwI7u7ocN8ByW0/Akin_solino14.jpg" title="Fatih Akin" class="alignnone" width="500" height="341" /></p>

<p><img alt="" src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1p3Q0X_5QY8l5NCSsSn6Y8hWhsJ_YB4hL4bnbA6UVgJeR8kZzKDsMnrTINDvRGBpMLqNHg3zj8MVk/Kasim2008-2_1273090093.jpg" title="Ferzan Ozpetek" class="alignnone" width="500" height="331" /></p>

<p><img alt="" src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1p2azYaZ8iegYGf0s7r1O1FlBlywuKNOYAxY-I1mQb2Qo-Qs91FAXdb0UEcgjNj2rxniDRohkviq4/slider-anatolia-nuri.jpg" title="Ceylan" class="alignnone" width="500" height="282" /></p>

<p>又到年末, 照例会挑出一部当年最喜欢的电影, "新浪潮"的老板说我每次都在碟子卖完后才去他那问, 不光买碟, 看电影也一样, 今年豆瓣上打5颗星的电影最近也是2010年的, 后知后觉到我自己都不能忍了.</p>

<p>这年的年初看过几部电影, 学期中途总是很忙无暇看片, 这个寒假算是过了瘾, 差不多是以每天不止一部的速度在看, 其间不停的感慨, 不停的流泪, 但观影速度太快不能静下心来思考, 明知是对好电影的糟蹋, 又忍不住想看下一部是怎样的故事.</p>

<p>缘起 Fatih Akin 的 <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/3104216/">Soul Kitchen</a>, 最近这段时间看了相当多的土耳其导演作品, 还有 Ferzan Ozpetek 和 Nuri Ceylan, 打了5颗星的有: <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1442128/">Solino</a>, <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1298331/">Im Juli.</a>, <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1309012/">Head-on</a>, <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1307921/">Uzak</a>, <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1300827/">Mayıs Sıkıntısı</a>, <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/3637237/">Mine vaganti</a>, <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1449431/">Hamam</a>. 他们的风格互不相同, 这些不同又是缘于个人出身和经历的差别. Fatih Akin 是出生在汉堡的土耳其后裔, 他的电影始终关注着德国的土耳其移民, 移民在异乡的位置以及他们与故乡的关系; Ferzan Ozpetek 本人是一位同性恋(如果我没有理解错 an openly gay director 这句话的话), 他的作品不时聚焦在同性恋的身上, 描写社会对同性恋的排斥与宽容, 与同性恋角色与生俱来的问题是他们对自身的探索, 种种原因导致 Ozpetek 的电影中总是隐藏着秘密, 带有悬疑的味道; Nuri Ceylan 是很多人追捧的一位导演, 因为他的镜头有着与阿巴斯或者塔可夫斯基类似的风格, 他本人同时是摄影家, 在他的掌控下, 影片或像一张张流动的胶片, 或者就是一张定格的摄影作品, 也由于如此, 他的电影极其擅长通过人物面部的特写去展现心理活动.</p>

<p>除了这些土耳其制作, 09年的法国电影<a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/3285622/">非法入境 (Welcome)</a> 讲述伊拉克难民试图偷渡到英国的故事, 开放性的结尾画龙点睛, 温暖动人; 法斯宾德的<a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/1294129/">罗拉 (Lola)</a> 是他"女性三部曲"中我唯一没看过的, 赞叹导演的天才: 通过一个柔弱的女性角色爆发出巨大的能量, 完成对社会的强烈反讽; <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/3667102/">乐与路</a>则是一个简单, 带有明显日本风格的主流爱情片, 偏偏人就容易被这样的电影催泪; <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/4843480/">Inside Job</a> 是关于金融危机的纪录片, 我们不能指望艺术工作者能够完全客观的看待这次危机: 有些剪辑显得刻意, 有些评论过于激进, 但总体而言, 很清晰明了的解释了金融危机的来龙去脉; <a href="http://movie.douban.com/subject/3040026/">靖大爷和他的老主顾们</a>也是一部纪录片, 完成于02年, 片长不足一小时, 年过八旬的老理发匠四处奔走为年纪相仿的老主顾们理发, 他见证了政权, 城市和人生的变迁, 送走一位位主顾, 也不得不随着北京城的发展而告别一个个传统, 八十多岁, 知天命, 按他自己的话说到了该死的年龄, 每天乐观而平静的活着.</p>

<p>接下来的几天会好好回味一下这些片子, 跨年之前挑出年度最喜爱的作品.</p>
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		<title>We Come in Pieces</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2071/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2071/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Nov 2011 21:47:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[影音]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Battle for the Sun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Placebo]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2071/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This is a Thanksgiving announcement, reminding every single one of you, good people, to breathe underwater. 真正爱上 Placebo 是从看了他们03年巴黎现场的 DVD 开始, 应该绝大部分人到现在都依然坚持那是 Placebo 最出色的... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1pqA5QqCJNsORiCIHp6ZafuFxw4Lb1UQSnGwSMHF2s81ylPgwOce9MR1ico3DtC6AB49ajkwo8Phw/placebo.jpg" alt="Placebo" /></p>

<p>This is a Thanksgiving announcement, reminding every single one of you, good people, to breathe underwater.</p>

<p><img src="http://ichentao.com/wp-content/uploads/misc/wecomeinpieces.jpg" alt="We Come in Pieces" /></p>

<p>真正爱上 Placebo 是从看了他们03年巴黎现场的 DVD 开始, 应该绝大部分人到现在都依然坚持那是 Placebo 最出色的一次现场, 这张 We Come in Pieces 是 Battle for the Sun 全球巡演的收官演出, 歌单涵盖了迄今的所有专辑:</p>

<p>Placebo - Nancy Boy, Teenage Angst;<br />
Without You I'm Nothing - Every You Every Me;<br />
Black Market Music - Taste in Men;<br />
Sleeping with Ghosts - Soulmates, Special Needs, The Bitter End;<br />
Meds - Meds, Infra-Red, Post Blue, Song to Say Goodbye.</p>

<p>几乎包含了所有我最喜欢的歌, 不知道等我真正能现场看到他们的时候还是不是这么幸运. 喜欢 Placebo 大约7年的时间, 感觉生命就像一次次的轮回, 从 Meds 开始到结束有一个女朋友, 从 Battle for the Sun 录制到他们巡演结束有另一个女朋友, 不知道下一张专辑的时候又会是怎样. 期间他们来了一次中国, 换了一次鼓手, 在每张专辑中都尝试了新的风格, 拿了一次欧洲 MTV 最佳另类乐队奖, 生活总在不停的变化之中, 唯有 Soulmates Never Die.</p>

<p><img src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1p2pr69SMIlt2EMnc_vqSKG927UZMJToXJcXO_0QpD67HEP2grftSNABwEfTxOHhA92RvtBJH0GH4/fans2.jpg" alt="Fans" /></p>

<p><embed src="http://player.56.com/v_NjQ5MzgwMzA.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="405" allowNetworking="all" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></p>

<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/yaal/5124960986/" title="Placebo @ O2 Academy Brixton 27.09.2010 by YaaL, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4046/5124960986_faf1b6b8ab.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Placebo @ O2 Academy Brixton 27.09.2010"></a></p>

<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/viplive/5040265518/" title="Placebo Brixton academy, London, 28/09/2010 by Reznoreyes, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4086/5040265518_c68b750aac.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Placebo Brixton academy, London, 28/09/2010"></a></p>

<p>Anyway, Placebo 明年又要录<a href="http://www.placeboworld.co.uk/mynews.php?id=583">新专辑</a>了.</p>
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		<title>The Journey to the West S02E02 -- The Art Institute of Chicago</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2064/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2064/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 20 Nov 2011 18:41:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[影音]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sir Thomas Lawrence]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2064</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[高中加本科同学从加州来访, 由于芝加哥的天气已经渐渐进入不适宜出行的状态, 我们两人从千禧公园不自觉的就走进了美术学院. 他是头回来风城, 正巧我之前也没参观过这家博物馆, 于是买票,... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>高中加本科同学从加州来访, 由于芝加哥的天气已经渐渐进入不适宜出行的状态, 我们两人从千禧公园不自觉的就走进了美术学院. 他是头回来风城, 正巧我之前也没参观过这家博物馆, 于是买票, 接受艺术的熏陶.</p>

<p>不知道是上次在大都会停留的太过潦草, 还是事实, 觉得芝加哥美术学院规模比纽约大都会小很多, 但即使这样, 展品也足够让人在馆里待上一整天都不止. 其中最让我震撼的就是下面这幅作品, 托马斯劳伦斯爵士的 Mrs. Jens Wolff. 数过来, 这是我知道的第三个劳伦斯, 前两个分别是作家 D. H. 劳伦斯, 和电影<em>阿拉伯的劳伦斯</em>里面那位.</p>

<p><img alt="" src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1pUYbZnzJdxKjVS9Fk7pI3mYDDcirCsXUpwAunmn1i6pzMLpz3_f9jqQxJhS1u6r-ObiPryx9q6hI/795_1169113.jpg" title="Mrs. Jens Wolff" class="alignnone" width="500" height="631" /></p>

<p>这张照片是从美术学院的网站上扒下来的, 但效果远不如站在真迹面前强烈. 在网上翻看了劳伦斯其它的女性肖像画, 感觉唯独还是这一张真正抓住了女性最温柔, 文静和美丽的瞬间, 以至于让我猜测 Mrs. Jens Wolff 可能是劳伦斯的情人. 其实, 两个人之间的关系问题不仅仅使我好奇:</p>

<p><a href="http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2007/05/24/the-lady-and-the-artist/">http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2007/05/24/the-lady-and-the-artist/</a></p>

<p>国内访问上面的链接可能需要翻墙. 而百度百科的<a href="http://baike.baidu.com/view/2446446.htm">词条</a>貌似说明 Wolff 的确是劳伦斯的女友.</p>

<p><img alt="" src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1pUYbZnzJdxKgsIaOuKn7O2WoY8YtPmle9ktcQX_BBJ75_GWhWnzQzgaKtWT1WaOiw7n3N-OOusew/39464_754844.jpg" title="Venus de Milo with Drawers" class="alignnone" width="500" height="756" /></p>

<p>这个身体若干部位变成抽屉的维纳斯是达利的作品, 也是美术学院重点推荐的作品之一. 它的特别之处部分在于达利选用做抽屉把手的材料, 更重要的, 这是人们第一次对于弗洛伊德关于衣柜与性的关系理论的实践.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>The Journey to the West S02E01 -- New York</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2053/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2053/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:53:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[日记]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[纽约]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2053/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[本来去纽约的目的是参加招聘会, 但因为种种原因, 这次出行最后演变成了一场纯粹的旅行. 我们八个人短租了当地人的 house, 位于皇后区的 Astoria. 可能因为我在风城的活动范围超小, 所以 Astoria ... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="https://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1pinHBc6s2U4xc4QEbKwqsW0OHYCWj6RyHg43z9_pKSunrTwHf3mNB_TI_hNNO78IoYgPAmJr4MGQ/oct-29-2011-ny-snow.jpg" alt="Snow" /></p>

<p>本来去纽约的目的是参加招聘会, 但因为种种原因, 这次出行最后演变成了一场纯粹的旅行.</p>

<p>我们八个人短租了当地人的 house, 位于皇后区的 Astoria. 可能因为我在风城的活动范围超小, 所以 Astoria 给了我长久未有的亲切感, 同时也变成了新鲜感. 很巧, 正是纽约的设计师 Kleinman Brittany 曾经写过一篇市集之美, 恰如其分的表达了我当时的感受. 我对纽约的第一印象相当好, 因为 Astoria 非但不像芝加哥很多地方那样冰冷, 而是充满了生活气息. 这一感受后来又得到了联合广场, 中国城等地的加强.</p>

<p>相机在8月的 Lollapalooza 被雨水淋坏后一直拖着没修, 所以去纽约没拍任何照片. 这里借用了路透社记者10月29日的一张, 在纽约的第三天, 极度轻微的宿醉后在中午起来, 发现窗外飘着鹅毛大雪, 对于穿着布鞋去纽约的我来说, 这一天是巨大的折磨, 行程本就短暂, 无法仅仅因为大雪的原因而待在家里, 一行人还是出发去了大都会. 在当天结束后我得出几个结论, 一是下大雪不要出门; 二是不要和对艺术没兴趣的人一起参观博物馆. 在大都会, 因为同伴的缘故, 我除了发现古希腊人在雕刻时用两个相交的圆来处理人的眼珠外, 就再没任何收获了.</p>

<p>第一天在时代广场, 其它几天的晚饭我们都是在曼哈顿的中国城解决的(听说在法拉盛也有一个中国城). 出了中国城的地铁站就傻了, 这哪里是美国, 分明就是大陆. 随处可见的各种地摊; 跟夫子庙里一模一样的小门面, 没有顾客光顾的主人在玩电脑; 一车一车在路边叫卖的蔬菜让人意识到原来在美国还是有地方不用去超市就能买到蔬菜的. 同学纷纷惊呼这是回国了, 这个说像兰州, 那个说像珠海, 我是不会下这样的结论的, 每个人都在这里找到亲切感不假, 现在中国各地本来就已经大同小异了.</p>

<p>作为第一次去纽约, 这次旅行经历本身是相当糟糕, 但幸运的是, the greatest city of the world 的魅力是不会被这些所遮挡的.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>搬家到 Wopus</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2041/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2041/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 18 Nov 2011 10:24:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[日记]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[虚拟主机]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2041</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[不得已, 浪费了将近10个月的月租费离开 homezz 搬到 Wopus, 原因是被垃圾留言困扰. 虽然搬到 Wopus 以后垃圾留言依然不断, 但是两个主机商在这件事情的处理方式上是完全不同的: homezz 的采取的方... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>不得已, 浪费了将近10个月的月租费离开 homezz 搬到 Wopus, 原因是被垃圾留言困扰.</p>

<p>虽然搬到 Wopus 以后垃圾留言依然不断, 但是两个主机商在这件事情的处理方式上是完全不同的:</p>

<p>homezz 的采取的方式是将我的站点挂起, 在我的沟通下会暂时解挂让我想办法处理, 但因为我在美国, 时差因素导致我只能在每天晚上才能做这件事. 早晨起来的时候, 站点已经被挂起, 然后我需要等到中国的白天才能再次要求将网站解挂. 同时在交流过程中, 站长不断的表达我需要租用 VPS 或者独立主机; 我的站点不适合继续托管在虚拟主机上等等.</p>

<p>在下决心搬到 Wopus 之前, 我曾和 Wopus 的 Slene 有过交流, 我简述了站点的情况, 然后询问是否需要换域名, 是否需要放弃之前的数据. Slene 给我的回答相当积极, 建议我不要放弃域名和数据, 因为一步一步积累起来不容易, 同时表示他们一般会帮助用户处理攻击问题, 曾经处理过小规模的 ddos. 在我搬到 Wopus 之后, 站点不断达到 CPU 使用上限, 但得到回复说整体服务器正常. 没遇到过站点挂起的问题, 因为流量过大在后台询问, 也得到了建议的处理方式.</p>

<p>从硬件上说, 虽然我不懂具体的技术, 但同等条件下, homezz 的主机会因为我被攻击而死机重启, 这样的情况在 Wopus 没有发生, 在客观上给了我这个外行充足的时间去不断尝试阻止攻击, 降低 CPU 使用率和流量. 从"软件"上说, 而这也是我下定决心不惜浪费月租费而要搬到 Wopus 的最大因素, 最让我忍无可忍的是 homezz 人员的交流方式, 也许它们采用了类似美国主机商的处理方式: 将有问题的站点挂起; 但同时没有邮件通知, 我不尝试登陆网站就不会知道. homezz 的站长除了说我要升级到 VPS 或独立主机外, 就是在有限的放开时间内用无形的压力逼迫我"尽快自行处理", 同时他的文字表达能力有的时候真的无法让我恭维. 作为被垃圾留言疯狂攻击的我, 其实也算是个受害者, 但就当我在凌晨两点半, 一边对抗着疲倦, 一边想办法对抗垃圾评论的时候, 他在后台发给我一条信息: 虚拟主机是不允许滥用的. 可能从三国时代开始, 蜀国人和吴国人就对同样的问题有不同的看法, 总之, 这种种情况我无法忍受. 除了建议花钱外, 没有技术方面的建议也就罢了, 这种粗暴的交流方式真的没让我看出他是一个为顾客服务的销售者. 我记得我曾经两次向<a href="http://www.smalloranges.net/">九间</a>推荐过 homezz, 当时没有出问题, 大家一团和气, 但我觉得所谓客服质量, 绝对是在出问题以后体现出来的. 从今以后, 我只能以我的经历建议朋友远离 homezz 了.</p>

<p>这是一个插曲, 接下来我还得继续投入到和垃圾评论的斗争中去. 不过趁着搬家, 把"<a href="http://ichentao.com/about/">关于</a>", "<a href="http://ichentao.com/links/">链接</a>" 和<a href="http://ichentao.com/">首页</a>都改了一下.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>更换防垃圾评论插件</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2018/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2018/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:12:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[日记]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2018</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[从我在纽约的时候开始, blog 受到垃圾评论的疯狂攻击, 而且因为种种原因, 服务器关闭了 fsockopen, 导致我唯一的插件 Akismet 失效, 于是几千条垃圾留言涌入使我不得不手动删除. 于是只能更换防... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>从我在纽约的时候开始, blog 受到垃圾评论的疯狂攻击, 而且因为种种原因, 服务器关闭了 fsockopen, 导致我唯一的插件 Akismet 失效, 于是几千条垃圾留言涌入使我不得不手动删除. 于是只能更换防垃圾留言的插件, 并且不定时的需要手动删除一些留言, 消停了几天后, 突然发现自己的站点被 reseller 也就是 homezz 挂起, 原因是由于我的 blog 被垃圾留言攻击, 导致服务器死机了两次, 而且郁闷的是, 后来即使重新打开 fsockopen, Akismet 虽能将垃圾留言驳回, 但信息仍然写进数据库, 只要一个白天我就可以吸引将近3000条的垃圾评论, 可见服务器的负载有多大, 于是 homezz 站长干脆向我宣布我的 blog 不适合放在虚拟主机上了.</p>

<p>万般无奈中想到了 <a href="http://niye.name">NickyYe</a> 向我推荐过的插件 Some Chinese Please, 网上一搜发现它还有一个我急需的功能就是不会将垃圾评论的信息写入数据库, 大大降低服务器的负载. 于是我也用上了 NickyYe 的防垃圾评论组合: Some Chinese Please 和 NoSpamNX~ 所以, 以后朋友们在给我留言的时候, 务必要包含中文字符, 否则无法通过插件的检查.</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Journey to the West S01E08</title>
		<link>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2013/</link>
		<comments>http://ichentao.com/blog/archives/2013/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 22 Sep 2011 05:04:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tao</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[日记]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ichentao.com/?p=2013</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[来美国一年多不到一个月, 按理说该是第二季了, 但有些事拖着没说, 索性今天给自己一个交代, 明天是新的一天. 过去的两年虽一直有些困惑, 但我很少愿意跟别人提起, 总是通过读书或者看电影... ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>来美国一年多不到一个月, 按理说该是第二季了, 但有些事拖着没说, 索性今天给自己一个交代, 明天是新的一天.</p>

<p>过去的两年虽一直有些困惑, 但我很少愿意跟别人提起, 总是通过读书或者看电影对自己的想法和思维进行分析, 虽然这样说着好像很辛苦的样子, 但我跟你在一起的时候, 不愉快的东西就都忘了. 我和你都有问题吧? 可能我认为你的问题更多, 你认为我的问题更多, 但重要的是, 我是一直以为能和你走到最后的. 这种想法一直反应在我跟其他人的交流中, 所以对于分手这件事, 不光是我自己吃惊, 可能朋友会比我更吃惊.</p>

<p>上个周末跟几个同学出去吃饭, 先是每人20刀的寿司自助吃到要吐, 然后又一起花100刀买了酒, 去 Karaoke 又是200刀, 同学说花了这么多钱, 一定要 get trashed. 我也是潜意识里有着这样的打算才出门的, 于是, 人生中第一次喝醉了, 醉的不醒人世. 我所知道的, 就是失去意识之后, 自己居然没说一句中文, 全是英语, 既愤怒又难过的说了很多, 真没想到自己也这么牛逼了...</p>

<p>之后睡了一整天, 然后是三天不在状态.</p>

<p>我希望并且决定, 睡一觉之后, 就该满血复活了.</p>

<p>除了向极个别朋友我要解释一下原因之外, 跟剩下的人我要么是隐瞒, 要么是告知一下, 总之不会再说她有哪里好或不好.</p>

<p>只是过了这么多年, 突然心里只需要考虑自己一个人, 真是挺不习惯的一件事.</p>
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